Suits and Dresses (Archer x Male Crossdressing Reader)
by TheNomzMonster1
Summary: What happens when the ISIS contacts you to work with the greatest spy in the world? Hilarity and balls-deep action. (Phrasing ;))  Contains smut, guy on guy action, and dirty language. Read at your own risk. *TWOSHOT*
1. Part 1

GUIDE:

M/N= Male Name

F/N= Female Name

* * *

You sat in the Jacuzzi of a huge mansion, relaxing in the warm bubble bath. It was so soothing, though you knew fully well that you had one hell of a day ahead of you.

Putting your leg up on the edge of the tub, you sprayed shaving cream on your leg and began to shave the hairs- revelling in the smooth feel of the skin. You did it to the other leg and hummed. Man, you loved to take care of yourself and be pampered. You made such a beautiful woman- your effeminate features; your soft, curvy legs, your beautiful hair made many of the most hardened criminals fall for you. The best part was that you didn't even have to sleep with them. Only a select few overlooked what was between your legs- as long as they could hear your beautiful moans, that was all that mattered.

You perfected the perfect, feminine voice. You had not only the looks, but the grace of a woman. Even your female colleagues were jealous of how gorgeous you looked. However, when flipped, you made a striking male. You had the guise of a male model- people were often amazed at how quickly you can flip the script.

"Mistress (F/N)! They're here!" You heard your butler through the door.

Now normally any agent working with ISIS would meet with them at the headquarters, but you insisted for them to meet you at your penthouse in Dubai. You were an independent gal who was very high-maintenance.

"Coming~" you sung, rising out of the tub. You reached for a light beige towel nearby and wrapped your body and used a smaller white towel to wrap your hair.

You wiped your feet on the pad by the tub and made your way to the door.

"I swear to God, this chick better be hotter than those call girls I have at my place," you could hear a male voice through the door.

"Oh stop it Sterling!" Another voice- an older female's - was heard scoffing. Hmm, must've been Mallory and the Dutchess.

As they were arguing, you opened the door and leaned against the doorframe, smirking. Moments went by before they noticed you.

"Oh hello Agent (F/N)! Very nice to meet you," Mallory held out her hand for you to shake it.

"Good afternoon, Madame," you spoke, shaking her hand. "And good afternoon to you, Dutchess," you flashed a small smile to the taller male, being sure to keep your handshake dainty and not firm like a man. He shook your hand, but his eyes trailed down to your bust.

"She's flat-chested," he grumbled, completely ignoring your greeting.

Ugh, rude much? This was the guy you were supposed to work with and he's already being a rude little shit. The testosterone in you urged you to punch him in his handsome, chiseled face, but you held back. You simply smiled and turned around, letting him get a glimpse of your natural...assets. Despite being a boy, you were always blessed with a nice, round butt that men and women alike loved to squeeze. You certainly hoped that he could see the form through the towel.

"You may come inside. Have a seat," you gestured over to the velvet, plush couches. "Li, make them feel at home," you flashed a warm smile to your most trusted butler. The Spanish butler nodded back before going into the living room and bowing.

"Wait- why is his name Li, but he's a Mexican?" Archer questioned.

"I'm gonna go make myself comfortable," you excused yourself to put some clothes on, blatantly ignoring the question. A passive-aggressive way to deal with him to say the least.

You went upstairs and into the master bedroom and shut the door, drawing the blinds for privacy. On the bed, you had already chosen an outfit: a black and light pink sleeveless dress which draped a few inches over your knees. You tucked before putting on some frilly white panties and finally putting on the dress. You looked in the mirror and made a pose. Damn, you looked cute as hell. You went into your jewelry box and put on some matching accessories and some white four inch pumps.

You spritzed yourself with light floral perfume and went down the stairs to join the others. You were expecting everything to be normal, but nope. Nothing's normal with Archer around.

"HOW THE HELL DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO POACH EGGS!?" Archer scolded, holding Li's clothes over the balcony.

"Aye dios mio! Please give me back my clothes!" Li covered himself with one hand while gesturing with the other.

"NO! NOW YOU DON'T GET YOUR CLOTHES BACK!"

"Agent Duchess!" You gasped, rushing to Li's defense. "That is NOT how you treat my butler!" You slapped him, causing him to accidentally drop Li's clothes off of the balcony.

There was an awkward moment of silence. You held your hands to your mouth in shock as Archer slowly turned to look at you.

"This is exactly why you shouldn't interfere with a man's job," he said.

Ah, if only he knew...

"Stop it Sterling," Mallory rolled her eyes. "You guys have a seat. You too Li," She spoke the last part, sultry.

"Go get a change of clothes from my room, Li," you dismissed him before getting straight to business.

"Alright. So what's up?" You sat on the couch, crossing your legs.

"Well, there was a call that a man by the name of Castillo Benevici has been leaking intel of the CIA and other specialized forces to the Russians. I'm sure he was one of your 'sponsors' if I can recall?" Mallory raised an eyebrow, twirling ice cubes in a martini glass.

"Oh yeah, I know him," you waved it off with a hand. "He likes to have me as his escort all the time~"

"Wait- you mean like a prostitute?" Archer chimed in which you glared.

"No," you stated boldly. "Well I do things for him, with a great hefty price obviously," you add, matter-of-fact.

"Ah-"

"Well we want him dead. The plan was to attend the Evening Ball and take him out," she slammed her first on the table.

"The Evening Ball is a very high-profile gathering place. Only those invited can go, and they may bring one date," you responded.

"And that's where /you/ come in, dear. We saw your name on the list and was wondering if you could take Archer here as your date," Mallory leaned forward with a sly smile. You rose an eyebrow.

"Oh really? And what's in it for me?" You crossed your arms. You were certainly no fool.

"You get to have me, the sexy Sterling Archer, as your date. AND we can go a round of ping pong if you like," he winked, but you were definitely not convinced.

"You get a grand tops," Mallory chimed in quick. "It's here in the suitcase," she put her giant Gucci bag on the coffee table and pulled it out. Impressive, but not enough.

"Miss Sterling, was it?"

"Yes," she nodded.

"I am a very high maintenance person. Which means that a grand will not be enough to cover the likes of this," you gestured around the place. "Plus your target is someone who sends me money and gifts that contribute to my income. I'm gonna need more."

"How much more do you need!?" Mallory exclaimed incredulously. You can tell this was really pressing her nerves.

"Hmm," you scratched your chin. "Three grand."

"THREE GRAND!? Are you out of your fucking mind!?" She screamed.

"Wow, you're pretty expensive for someone who has no tits," Archer said, sarcastic. All of this was beginning to wear down your patience and you fought internally not to explode.

"Listen. Do you want to get in or not?" You growled through clenched teeth.

The mother and son duo both looked at each other. You knew they needed to get in and you were the key.

"Very well, we'll just take it out of Lana's paycheck," Mallory spoke after a while.

"Pleasure to do business with you," you smiled, pulling out two tickets from a little drawer under the coffee table. "The ball is in three days. Get your best suit and meet me by the Golden Towers at 6."

* * *

You waited at the front of the towers, silently checking your watch. You decided to opt for a more sexy appearance, wearing a sleek red dress with a split on the side. You wore your hair in a curly, side-swept style. It was about 6:05 now. He was late.

"Grr, where is he?" You grumbled to yourself, becoming increasingly agitated.

About a couple of minutes later, you looked over and saw Archer at his black BMW with a bunch of attractive women. What the hell was this guy doing?

Holding up your dress, you trudged over to where Archer was and grabbed his wrist, tight.

"Sorry girls, but he's with me," you flipped your hair as Archer hissed in pain.

"Goddammit (F/N), I just wanted to have fun!" He shouted.

"Oh shut the hell up," you scoffed, practically dragging him down the street.

Soon enough, you two made it to the Ruby Palace where the ball was being held. You finally let him go with a rough shove.

"Now, you are to only go in there and conduct your mission. No more, no less," you commanded.

"You sound just like my ex-girlfriend Lana," he grumbled, rubbing his wrist.

"Well maybe she was on to something," you retorted, pulling out the tickets.

You went to the front of the grandiose double doors slipping your hand on his arm. You squeezed it a bit with a small smile. You can feel that nice muscular tone underneath that suit. It made you tingle, you had to admit. It was a nice break from all of those ugly, fat slobs you slept with. Archer seemed to have noticed for he turned to look at you with a smirk.

"Yeah I know. I work out," he winked, drawing out an exasperated sigh from you.

"(F/N). For two," you gave the security guard the tickets and strutted in.

The inside was absolutely divine. There were two ivory staircases on either side that led to a balcony set in the middle. Castillo Benevici was in full view, leaning forward on the railing. Of course he had many women around him, but he seemed to be staring right at you through those dark brown eyes. You gave him a flirty wink as to assure him that everything's fine.

"Alright, so where's that bastard Casti-!?"

"Archer!" You gasped, punching him in the arm. "You're giving yourself away!" You hissed. "At least play the damn part before you go off and make a scene. You need to be discreet!"

"Ow! Alright fine. I'm gonna go get some drinks. Happy?" He rubbed his arm.

"Mm," you smiled. "Don't stray too far from me. You are MY date after all," you winked.

You decided to go off to the side and sit at the table that you had reserved for the two of you. You sat and watched the beautifully dressed couples waltzing on the floor. You really did like nice things, but things like the ball definitely wasn't one of them. You yearned for action, this lifestyle was far too tame for your liking. It was why you answered that e-mail by ISIS- you knew fully well who they were. You wanted that piece of action and it was the perfect opportunity to get a taste, even if you weren't the one pulling the trigger.

"Hello, il mio amore," you heard a familiar, deep raspy voice.

"Oh, ciao Castillo," you turned your head and smiled up at the heavyset balding man.

"Why are you sitting alone? You brought a date, no? A beautiful woman like you shouldn't be sitting here," he slid next to you and put an arm around you. You internally cringed.

"Uh, yeah, I did bring a date actually...," You looked over to Archer who was clearly trying to pick up another female by the bar. You couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy. He was your date after all. Castillo followed your gaze over to the blue-eyed casanova and shook his head.

"Tch, it's a shame that he doesn't appreciate such an exquisite woman like you," he cooed, running his fingers through your soft, (H/C) tresses.

"Yeahhhh," you scootched away from him, just to be pulled back.

"How about I take you back to my room, eh? Have a bit of fun before the party's over?" He whispered in your ear.

"I uh," you searched around frantically for an excuse to leave. However, there was no need for that.

"Hey (F/N)! Can you come tell them I'm an ISIS agent? They don't believe me!" He shouted obnoxiously across the room.

Oh my God. Why oh WHY did he give himself away like that!?

"You brought an ISIS agent?" Castillo growled, glaring at you through those beady eyes.

You barely had a chance to react before a large arm wrapped around your neck, forcing you to stand to your feet. You could feel the cold, hard metal of the gun pressing against your temple. Within the seconds, the place had abrupted into chaos. Tables were flipped, people were running everywhere, and gunshots was heard throughout the mansion.

"GOD DAMMIT ARCHER!" You screamed in pure anger. You were pissed. What was supposed to be a swift, secret mission was now a huge chaotic mess.

"Come with me!" Castillo hissed, dragging you through the dance floor and up the stairs. You could see Archer shooting back and fighting in the distance.

"Archer! Help!" You cried out before getting a swift hit on the head by the pistol. Your vision became slightly blurred, but you fought to keep yourself conscious. You will NOT be the damsel in distress!

"I'm coming, (F/N)!" He shouted back, flipping over a table and shooting what may have been the last of Castillo's henchmen. He was going to run towards the staircase but stopped short upon seeing Castillo putting the gun to your head.

"If you come any closer, the bitch dies!" He shouted with that nasty breath of his.

You trembled, half in anxiety and half in excitement. Even though that dumbass Archer gave them away, you got the piece of action you were looking for. It was such a rush, really.

Holding out his gun, he shot the arm Castillo was holding the gun with, causing him to drop it. With a swift move, you elbowed him in the gut and ducked when he loosened his grip. You picked up the gun that he dropped off of your floor and aimed it at Castillo's head. You shot a couple of rounds into his head, savoring the adrenaline.

"THAT'S FOR CALLING ME A BITCH!" You stomped his head with your heel and tossed the gun aside, non-chalant. You flipped your now frazzled hair. You hadn't realized that Archer was checking you out until he made a whistling sound.

"Huh?" You looked him with a bewildered expression. What was he looking at? You followed his gaze and saw that your dress ended up ripping even more on the side that was supposed to be cut, exposing your buttcheek. You gasped, pulling the rest of the dress to cover yourself.

"A bit too late for that," he teased, grasping your ass firmly.

"Archer!" You gasped again with a blush.

"C'mon, let's get outta here," he responded, pulling out a cellphone to call the helicopter.

* * *

You and Archer sat in the back of the helicopter together. You had shifted as far away from Archer as possible for he kept fondling your butt while you weren't paying attention. As soon as you felt his fingers graze your thigh for what felt like the fiftieth time, you slapped his hand away so hard that he hissed.

"Will you stop?!" You scowled.

"Sorry!...Not sorry!" He responded, holding his hand. "But anywho, I liked what you did back there," he complimented you with a nudge. "A-plus rating."

"Oh," was the only thing you managed to say. You were taken aback by the compliment, especially since it was coming from /him/. "Thank you," you smiled sweetly.

"Would you like a job?"

Your eyes widened. This was the moment you've been waiting for practically your whole life. You couldn't wait to be balls deep in action with ISIS making assassinations and taking out terrorists and doing special missions.

"Sure!" You piped up a little louder than what you intended.

"Well, I'll have to ask my mom, but-"

Before he can even finish his sentence, you pulled him in for a great, big hug. Even though he was a dick, you couldn't help but express your gratitude. You could feel him go stiff. It must've been a bit awkward for him.

"Uh, yeah. You're welcome," he stuttered slightly.

It felt really nice and warm. You could feel his chest move slightly as he was breathing. You would stay under him had it not have been for the fact that you /just/ met this guy.

"So...," He turned to face you completely. "You're still up for ping-pong?"

Wow, you must've really looked good to him because he was certainly sizing you up like crazy. But you couldn't do much...You're a guy too. You were attracted to him on a crazy, subconscious level. Maybe it was his charisma? His confidence? Who knows? Either way you felt that he did deserve /something/ for saving you, despite the fact that he's done this all before.

"You can save all of the hard work," you spoke, seductive. You fondled him through the cloth of his slacks. He wasn't hard yet, but you knew just how to turn him on.

Sliding off of the seat, you sunk to your knees right before him and unzipped his pants.

"Whoa," he chuckled, putting his hands behind his head and leaning back. He seemed to have already made himself comfortable. "What's this for?"

Your hands rummaged through the cloth of his slacks and then his underwear finally putting out that nice, hard dick of his.

"Well let's just say this is a...reward," you smirked, stroking that beautifully crafted shaft.

You gave it a nice long and teasing lick from the base up. As soon as you got to the head, you sunk your head down and filled your mouth with as much of his cock as possible. When it was almost fully in your mouth, you bobbed your head up and down it, swirling your tongue around the tip and back. You kept your hands firmly placed at the sides of his thighs- you didn't need hands to get the job done anyway.

Archer let out a deep, lustful growl that made you want to do so much more sinful things to this man. The noises of his pleasure made your own cock tingle. Luckily he couldn't see you hard.

"Ah suck me...Just like that," the raven-haired man cooed, running his fingers through your tresses.

This really encouraged you to do more, using your free hand to fondle his balls while you slurped on his cock. You were sure the pilot could probably hear you two at some point, but it didn't matter. You peered up through your lashes at the blue-eyed casanova who was beyond gorgeous from this point of view.

You took it all in your mouth one last time. Your mouth was so wet that the saliva was dripping down Archer's dick. It must've felt amazing to him because his groans became increasingly audible. The hand that was running through your hair had tightened its grip around your head.

"Ugh, Fuck!" He jolted his hips forward and came, filling your mouth with his bittersweet seed.

You moaned into him as you swallowed it all, for you also came underneath that dress of yours, but you didn't dare touch it. You were adamant about giving yourself away.

You took it out of your mouth with a 'pop!' And rose back up to your feet. You slid back next to Archer, pulling out a napkin out of your clutch and wiping off the cum, saliva, and smeared lipstick. Archer seemed to still be in a daze as you reapplied your lipstick in the handheld mirror you always took with you.

"Such a lady," he mused, putting it back in his pants and zipping his fly.

"Have to be," you snorted, closing your mirror.

Eventually you guys made it to the ISIS headquarters where you two said your goodbyes.

"Alright. Well if she approves, you'll get a call by this Tuesday," he informed you. "So, uh , hopefully I'll see you then?"

"Mm," you smiled with a nod. "Have a good night Mr. Archer~" you sung before the pilot closed the door and took you back to your American home.


	2. Part 2

It was Wednesday afternoon when you came in for the first day on the job. You decided to follow Mallory's orders, coming in as your male self. You and her both decided it was best to introduce yourself as who you really are before coming in as a woman. So you opted for a white collared button-down shirt underneath a brown leather jacket, dark jeans, and some brown alligator dress shoes. Your hair was nice and tousled and your fragrance smelled like a hint expensive cologne. Every inch of you screamed 'status'. You did love looking good after all.

"And now let's welcome our new ISIS agent: (M/N)," you heard Mallory announce, which was your cue to come through the door. You went inside and stood next to Mallory, wearing a beautiful, handsome smile.

"Oh mama!" A voluptuous blonde woman (who's name you later learned as Pam) shouted across the room.

"It is very nice to meet you. I look forward to working with all of you," you bowed slightly out of respect.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Archer exclaimed with a wave of the hand. "Where the hell was the chick that we were just talking about the other day!?"

"What other chi- ohhhh," Mallory stopped herself. She looked at you and then at him and chuckled evily.

Ooh, looks like she didn't tell him.

"Uh oh. There goes that laugh," Ray frowned.

"What do you mean 'OHHHHH'?! Why would you do that!?" Archer became much more angry. "You PROMISED me she was gonna be here!"

"Well maybe she...y'know, couldn't make it-" Cyril began to speak, but was cut off rather harshly.

"SHUT THE HELL UP, CYRIL! Who the hell is /this/ guy, huh?"

"Well...I did fulfill my promise," Mallory spoke, deliberately picking out what she thought was the right choice of words. "She is here...except that she is a 'he'!"

"Wait-" he narrowed his eyes. "No no no no no! That is NOT (F/N)!"

"OKAY! Everyone is dismissed! Now go do your damn jobs before I get another headache," she interjected, pouring herself some Henny in a shot glass.

"This isn't over!" Archer shouted before leaving the room.

With that, everyone went their separate ways, though some had lingered to get another glimpse at you.

You used this as an opportunity to come clean with him. You went to walk beside him earning a dirty look.

"Actually, she's right Archer. I am (F/N)," you admitted, averting his gaze. "I just crossdress."

The truth made everyone gasp, even though they didn't know what the hell was going on.

"B-But...the helicopter and the...You were-?"

"Yeah...," You sighed, rubbing the back of your neck. You looked back at him and winced. His intense blue eyes was practically piercing your soul.

"I WILL FUCKING END YOU!" He snatched you by your collar, dragged you straight into an office, and threw you to the floor.

He went to open the window wide open and grabbed you again before you could even process what was going on.

"Archer! Stop!" You choked out, only to be picked up and dangled over the windowsill outside, headfirst.

"NO! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!?" His grip tightened around your collar, damn near choking you.

"I'm sorry I was being dishonest, okay!? I just wanted to, I don't know, repay you!" You stuttered, your heart beating a million times per second.

You both didn't notice some of your co-workers coming in to spectate the scene.

"This whole time you couldn't say 'Oh hey Archer, before I suck your DICK', I'm actually A GUY!" He shook you, causing you to slide further out of the window.

"Ooh, Dukes~" Ray cooed in the background.

"Look, I'm sorry okay!? I just really liked you, even though you're kind of an asshole!"

You shrieked for damn near your entire upper body was out of the window. Archer had pushed you out even further to the point where you could hear the cars several feet underneath you.

"ALRIGHT! WHAT DO YOU WANT!? MONEY? I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING IF YOU DON'T KILL ME, PLEASE!" You cried.

"GIVE ME TWO GRAND!...AND YOUR SHOES!"

"FINE!" You shouted back. Luckily it was enough to keep you from dropping fifteen stories down to your death.

* * *

Hours had passed since that incident. Archer decided to take your shoes right then and there, so you had to go without around the office. It was a great thing many of your co-workers didn't like Archer- it was embarrassing enough that majority of them saw what happened. But luckily Lana was nice enough to show you around. You felt a little guilty that her pay was cut on your behalf, but that was another story.

Archer was super pissed- that was obvious enough. He didn't even want you to look his way. It kinda hurt, to be honest. You sighed, putting your feet up on the desk as you flipped through some files.

"Hey (M/N)," you heard the soothing voice of a familiar female.

"Oh, hey Lana," you turned your head and smiled.

"How's everything holding up?" She crouched down to your level with a smile.

"I'm alright," you mumbled, turning away. You had a lot on your mind.

"Listen," she moved to sit on your desk. "Don't let him get to you. I know it may be difficult- I've had a history with him and he is /definitely/ not worth losing sleep over. Okay?"

"Alright," you sighed. You were beginning to feel a bit better until you heard that familiar scummy voice.

"Hey Lana!" You heard him coming closer. You couldn't help but cower, your heart beating fast. That feeling of anxiety was kicking in overtime. "Come look at this!"

You both looked over and saw he was holding up some sort of new gadget.

When he came closer, his pace slowed and he stared right at you. He looked so disgusted and it made you feel super insecure, a feeling you /never/ thought you would experience.

"Oh, it's you," he snarled before turning his attention to Lana. "Why are you even with this guy anyway?"

"Stop it, Archer. I was talking to him because apparently /someone/ dangled him out the window over a blow job," she crossed her arms with a scowl.

"Well /maybe/ if he wasn't being DECEITFUL, then it wouldn't have been an issue in the FIRST PLACE!" He replied, his voice becoming increasingly loud.

"Oh please, you're acting like you haven't deceived anyone to get some SEX!" Lana retorted.

All this back and forth was just getting too much for you, so you decided to get up and walk away.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going? You do realize that this is YOUR fault, right!?"

You stopped dead in your tracks. You understood why he was upset, but he was dragging this into infinity. You had enough of this. He was an asshole straight from the first day you met him- you didn't give a shit if he saved you or not.

"You know what, Archer?" You turned around, wearing a dark look. "How about YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF! I'm pretty sure you would given your ENORMOUS EGO! You think you're tough shit because you're the 'World's Greatest Spy'?'"

"Well I do but-"

"THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION, ASSHOLE! FUCK YOU AND YOUR SHITTY PERSONALITY!" You flipped him off and stormed out of the place leaving everyone including Archer.

* * *

You trudged down the street towards your car, pissed. You stormed right out of there with your ego intact. It kinda felt good to tell him off. He deserved it. And you would be damned if you were to really give him your money. Fuck that guy.

You were about two blocks away from your car when a black BMW pulled up beside you. You had a feeling you knew who it was.

"Piss off, I have my own ride," you grumbled, slouching even more when you heard the window rolling down.

"Get in," Archer demanded.

"Fuck you," you flashed him an angry glare, flipping him off.

"No really, get in. You're not safe. We got word that someone put a hit on you."

"What!?" Your eyes widening right before a bullet came flying right past your ear.

"HURRY UP AND GET IN BEFORE YOU DIE, DUMBASS!"

You abruptly got in the car and put on your seatbelt. Archer stepped on the gas and sent you guys flying down the street.

"Wait! Do you know who?" You stuttered, holding onto the hand ledge to keep yourself from flying everywhere.

"One of Castillo Benevici's associates is what I'm thinking."

A black car bumped into you guys, so he swerved to the left, causing it to crash into a nearby building.

"But why me?" You looked on, cringing.

"I don't know. Probably because you, y'know, pulled the trigger," as he said this, he pulled out his trusted handgun and dropped it in your lap.

"Here, shoot. You might wanna unbuckle that useless seatbelt."

You nodded, rolling down the window and stretching out of the window. These fuckers wanna kill you, huh? Good luck with that. Instead of shooting directly at them, you shot at the two front tires, causing them to skid out of control and into another building.

"You should probably drive onto the freeway so we won't hurt any more people," you suggested.

"Shut up," he rolled his eyes, swerving into the nearest freeway.

You saw three more cars behind you guys. They shot at the car, puncturing the back tire and shattering the window.

"DAMNIT! I JUST GOT THIS THING FIXED! (M/N), TAKE THE WHEEL!" He pulled out a grenade and rolled down his window. You reached over and took over the driving while he threw it back.

You got back in your respective seats and drove faster to avoid the explosion. You couldn't help but look back and see the cars explode right before your eyes. Damn, people wanting to kill you already? Making cars explode? This was freaking awesome!

"Wow, that was awesome," you smiled to yourself. You felt akin to a little giddy ten-year old boy. "So where are we off to?"

"My house."

He swerved off of the freeway and into a residential area.

"Huh?" You furrowed your eyebrows. "Why your house?"

"Because they know your location. It's not classified like ours."

"Oh," you frowned. That makes a lot of sense. He did just join after all. "How long will I have to be there?"

"Up until you're out of the red zone," he finally pulled up to his penthouse and opened the garage door.

"And how long would that be?"

"Depends. Three or more days. One week at most," he turned to flash you a serious look. "But DON'T get too comfortable."

"Whatever," you rolled your eyes. Wow, spending the night at Archer's- the asshole that literally dangled you out of the window. What a time to be alive.

Once the car was in the garage, you two got out and went upstairs.

"Good evening, sir," his old butler, Woodhouse, greeted.

"Oh hello-"

"Don't talk to him. He's just a butler," Archer cut you off.

How rude of him. Guess that's how he treats everyone, huh? He went over to the living room and sat on the couch. You followed suit, sitting beside him.

"Hey Woodhouse! Fix me a Bloody Mary and uh," he turned to you. "What do you want?"

"Water, please," you responded, earning you a narrowed-eye look from Archer.

"And get him a Bloody Mary too," he added. Wow, this guy.

"Coming sir," the elderly man called out from the bathroom.

"So uh, hey listen. I normally don't do this, but I wanted to..." He sighed. "Apologize."

"Oh?" You raised an eyebrow.

"So maybe I did overreact, just a little bit-"

"You dangled me out of the window."

"Look, okay, I said I was sorry alright?"

You read his expression to see if he was being sincere or not. You always had a knack for being able to tell when someone was lying.

"You just want me to give you another blow job, don't you?" You questioned, crossing your arms.

"What? No way, like, ew you're a guy," he tried to play it off, to no avail. "Alright fine, it's true."

"Do you really think you deserve one after how you've treated me?"

"Well no, but-"

"I'll make you a deal. I give you a blow job and you let me be in control for the night. Deal?"

"Okay, but I am NOT being a bottom."

"Oh no, no. That wouldn't be an issue," you smirked, sliding off of the couch and sinking down to your knees before him.

"Hey uh, Woodhouse? Don't worry about the drinks," he waved him off with a hand.

You instantly got to work, unzipping the fly of his trousers. You couldn't help it, you wanted to do this anyway. Slipping your hand into his underwear, you pulled out his hardened dick and stroked it deliberately. You looked up at him and licked your lips before planting sloppy, wet kisses on the underside of his cock. Archer hummed, his erection twitching slightly with each kiss.

"You missed this didn't you?" You chuckled upon Archer's pleasured expression. You kissed the tip lightly, then exerted pressure on it with your lips.

"Mm, of course," he cooed, running his hand through your soft, (H/C) hair.

You chuckled again, opening your mouth to take it all inside. You bobbed your head up and down as Archer's hand guided you. Your mouth got all nice and wet which felt so good to the spy, he couldn't help but groan. You hummed, sending nice tingly vibrations up his shaft. Your own erection had grown and was pushing against the crotch of your slacks, so you snaked a hand down to stroke yourself. Archer's hips began to jerk, his breathing becoming heavy. You pulled him out of your mouth since you weren't ready for him to cum yet.

"Huh? What are you doing?" He asked, quizzical.

"Taking control," you smirked, rising up to your feet and dropping your pants.

The spy's bright blue eyes trailed down to your nicely shaped cock.

"I already told you I'm not bottoming-"

"Relax, I'm not putting it in," you sighed, climbing on top of him and positioning his member right by your entrance.

"Oh...So we're doing anal then-?"

"Shh," you put a finger to his lips. "You're ruining it for me."

You slowly sat on it, easing it carefully inside of you. You bit your lip, feeling him stretching out your insides.

"Hey, exactly how many people have you slept with?" Archer asked between his heavy breathing.

"Like.. seventy-three," you responded, finally getting it all the way in. It kinda hurt, but you were a big boy.

"Then how the hell are you so tight?" He gripped your ass, firmly.

"They weren't /all/ men, Archer," you rolled your eyes and began to bounce on him.

"Oh so you're not completely gaaa-" you cut him off with a lingering kiss on the neck. This guy really spoke a lot, something that you don't really value in the bedroom.

You rode him gently before speeding up, bracing the couch behind him to keep yourself from falling off. He grit his teeth and thrusted in tune with your hips. You smirked, riding him harder to keep him from even thinking about talking. Just when you thought that he couldn't take any more, he flashed you this really crazy look that made your heart drop. 'Shit, what was he planning?' You thought.

Just then, he picked you up, carried you to the room and threw you on the bed. There was something different about him...something primal, something /sexy/. He straddled your body and ripped off his collared shirt, wearing nothing but a white tank top.

Your breaths were heavy, anticipating the hard fucking that was to come. He dipped his head down and attacked your neck, sucking and biting the tender flesh. You moaned, arching into him. You desperately clung onto his arms as he made his way down, literally ripping open your shirt in the process.

When he was done, he grabbed your legs and pulled you upwards, your body upside-down on the bed. He stood up and eased his himself inside of you, holding down your legs so you could barely move while he went to town on you. You struggled to find something to cling onto while he pounded you mercilessly. It wasn't long before you felt something build up.

No...You gotta be kidding, right? Goddamn it, weren't /you/ supposed to be the one in control?! Damn him and his superior strength.

"You fucking asshole," you hissed through clenched teeth. He merely smirked, grabbing your cock and stroking it to make you cum faster.

"Ahnnn, NO!" You thrashed about, trying to fight the feeling to no avail. Your legs trembled as you came in large spurts- the sticky, hot fluid landing on your chest and face.

But he wasn't done yet.

He backed up, dropping your body to the bed. He dragged you close to him by your legs and put it in, slamming into you. Archer grunted, pinning your wrists down to the bed. Your legs rested on his shoulder as he continuously plowed your tender asshole. You tried to surpress those moans, but your body had grown sensitive since you first came. You felt yourself becoming hard again, unusually fast to say the least. Your eyes shut tight, your hands clinging desperately to his sweaty, clothed back.

"Archer! I'm gonna-!" You bit your lip, your legs trembling as you came a second time.

He sped up and thrusted wildly into you before letting out a powerful growl. You can feel the hot fluids spilling inside of you- it wasn't like you were protesting it though.

He pulled out and collapsed on top of you with a heavy sigh. You two were spent though there were some chuckles amidst the heavy breathing.

"So much for being straight, huh?" You teased.

"So much for wanting to be in control," he snorted, earning a punch from you.

"Talking shit?" You rose his head to look at him. with a smirk.

"One of my specialties, babe," he winked at you. "You better not say anything about this to the others. They don't need to know we went all the way. Especially since I'm sober."

"Sure, whatever you say World's Greatest Spy," you playfully smacked his behind. He narrowed his eyes at you and slid over to the side of you.

"Hey, next time I wanna screw (F/N). I want you back here in that sexy ripped dress you wore the other night. We have some unfinished business."

"Al tuo servizio, Archer," you spoke in that seductive, feminine tone.


End file.
